Well, God's been workin' on me again. Go figure, right? This week, I have been struggling with my anxious heart. A feeling of doubt has crept in and I just can't seem to get it to go away. I haven't felt this way in a long time, so it is kinda hard being introduced once again. What is so funny is that this doubt has settled inside of me AFTER multiple answered prayers. I feel like a repeat button has been pressed and I can't get this song out of my head.
Like I said, God has answered multiple prayers of mine recently. Since the New Year, I have asked God to give me opportunities to not only write, but to share my story face to face with others. I haven't really shared this on the blog, but a dream of mine is to speak to groups - women, youth, couples - whomever - and to share God's goodness with them. I wasn't quite sure that now was the best time to pursue that dream, but I prayed that if it was God's will, that He would open the doors. Friends, God has been so faithful to this request. In March and April, I will be speaking at two different events at our church. I was thrilled and honored to be asked. But, now I am getting scared. I don't want to blow it...I want to share His truth with boldness and passion.
Besides speaking, Raleigh and I have been working on two major projects that we think will bring glory to God's kingdom. I don't want to get into the details just yet, but please know that when we are ready y'all will be the first to know!!!! These projects are long-term goals that will take more than a day to become a success. With that length comes fatigue in the process. Some days, I just stare at my computer screen and think, "Is this worth it? What difference is this going to make? Is it good enough? Will people even care?" I have read that fatigue can come after a spiritual high, so maybe I am experiencing that after our NICU experience. But, I also pray that I don't want these things out of selfish ambition. In The Case for Character, Drayton Nabers says, "Anxiety or fear, along with selfish ambition or greed, prevents clear thinking." Am I not thinking clearly because I want these things out of ambition or greed? My heart's desire is to serve the Lord and make everything that I do for His kingdom, but I will admit that sometimes I struggle with not bringing in an income. Raising these girls is work, very hard work some days, but it is hard not getting a paycheck every other Friday for my work! I think the fear of money is the root of a lot of our problems. *A man's attitude towards money is the most decisive test of his character. I don't want my heart to be so focused on money, but I also know that I do want nice things of this world. I can't lie to y'all about that. It is the truth. But, it isn't what is most important. Nice things are called nice for a reason but it isn't a fruit of the Spirit. What I really want out of this life is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Gal. 5:22-23).
Once again, I need to put my trust in the Lord that He will meet all of our needs. I don't need to worry about tomorrow, I just need to focus on today. With these long-term goals, my prayer is that we will persevere and keep believing in the worth, the reason why we are working tirelessly. I believe without a shadow of a doubt that the Lord has great things in store for us; but it is all about timing. Friends, if y'all are struggling with the fear of money, please draw comfort in knowing that our heavenly Father takes care of the birds and that we are much more valuable to him than them. Remember that "Tough times never last, but tough people do" (Robert Schuller.)
Till next time, let your light shine!