My name is April, I’ve been married for 6 years and I am a mother of a precious 14 month old. Today I am inviting you to join me on a journey. This journey will take you through mountain top highs, and deep valley lows. You will cross treacherous waters that make you feel like you want to drown, and you will see glorious days that make you think heaven has come. If you are willing to join me, I would love to take you down memory lane to experience my journey through fertility struggles.
If you have experienced or are experiencing this journey for yourself you will understand most of what I am about to share, if you haven’t the slightest clue about fertility struggles and issues I hope you will feel educated and encouraged through this story. This of course will play its self out in a series of blog posts, all I ask is that you be patient with me since I’ve never fully told this story to anyone.
Let me start off with saying, more people struggle with fertility issues than you realize. In fact, you probably know more people than you realize that are walking through this struggle today. Most people do not openly discuss their struggles with fertility, and those that do don’t always want other’s opinions on the topic. Hopefully by the time I’m through sharing my story you will be able to respond to those in need of encouragement with a better response than, “You’ll get pregnant in God’s timing.” While that may sound good to you, it is the most dreadful thing to hear from someone while you are going through this process.
I’m sure you’re wondering why I keep saying fertility struggle or issues, it’s because I believe the word “infertility” is a lie the enemy uses to discourage use. I never for a moment wanted to believe that I or my husband was infertile. I knew and know that all things are possible through Jesus Christ if I believe. Even if I did have a seemingly impossible situation, or if you are thinking today that you are in an impossible situation my story is proof that my God can and will go above and beyond to do more than you can ever fathom!
I’ll finish today’s post with a journal entry from June 7, 2007. It is a prayer…
Lord, I come before you today as a little girl with a heavy heart. I know you have taught me that you have not given me a spirit of feat, but of love and a sound mind. But right now I must admit I’m scared. I don’t want to be afraid, but my future as a natural mother is at stake. I just want some kind of answer. Is it my body? Is it Matt’s? If it is neither, than why the long wait? I pray it’s neither, but especially not Matt’s. I never want him to feel he is the reason I can’t have our child. At the same time I never want to be the reason he can’t have our child. I’m asking for a divine miracle. I’m asking you to intervene at our right time to make our dream come true. It’s too late to ask for that kind of intervention this month; however, if I’m sitting here today and the formation of a child has already begun, I pray for protection and health. I struggle with the though of and the actual word “infertility”. I don’t like to use that word, but it seems to pop up everywhere - the doctor’s office, the bookstore, online, church support groups, and the media - AHHH! I don’t like it and don’t want to classify myself as infertile!! I do not believe that, not for me and not for my husband. Please guide us in our next step through this process, whatever it may be (shots, drugs, IUI’s, IVF, adoption, or natural pregnancy) just guide us and protect us financially, emotionally, mentally, and physically as we push forward spiritually fighting this battle.
If that prayer has been the cry of your heart, than please come with me on this journey to find hope, healing, love, and acceptance. I hope to have the next post very very soon!