Okay, I'm just gonna put it out there. After writing that statement, I have spent the last five minutes staring at my computer asking myself what "it" really is. Is "it" the feeling I get when my house is a mess? Is "it" the headache I get on those days leading up to mother nature's special visit? Or, is "it" the thing that I know I should be doing but just don't have the time, energy, or even zeal to try to do?
See, I've got to figure out what this "it" is because I've decided to talk about "it" for the next 31 days. To give you all a little idea into what in the world I'm talking about, I've decided to join a linky party with The Nester and seven other chicks (and a whole lotta other bloggers out there) to do a 31 day series of posts about a particular subject. Some of the other bloggers are talking about housekeeping, change, better-dressed nest, photo tips....and I've been wracking my brain for the past two weeks figuring out what my "it" was going to be.
Then I went to the .Mom conference this past weekend. Honestly, I had kind of forgotten about it because Ash and I signed up last December and it just snuck up on us. And, we thought it was like all the other events we had been to where it was Friday night until lunch on Saturday but it actually started Friday morning and went all the way to Saturday evening. So, we scrambled to make plans for who would be keeping both sets of twins, I packed my overnight bag, and jumped on the interstate to get to her house in time to grab Chick-Fil-A before the first afternoon session on Friday.
I was in a funky mood last week and just wasn't in the learning and soaking up zone at first. But, as God had His way with me, I knew that was exactly where I needed to be that weekend. I needed to hear Angie Smith say that she wasn't made to be a scrapbook-maker type of mom. I found such relief in knowing that Priscilla Shirer's youngest son has eaten leaves too. Sitting at the conference, "it" hit me. "It" had been staring at me this whole time but I was too afraid to look in the mirror and see exactly what "it" was.
It was the truth.
After figuring this out, I had a fake conversation between you and me about this subject that went a little like this:
The truth, you say? So, you're telling me your going to take 31 days to tell the truth?
Yep, that's right.
But, isn't your blog called The Uncontainable Truth?
That it is.
So, where exactly are you going with this?
Hmmm...I guess we will see over 31 days!
I have a slight idea of where all of this truth talk is going to take me but honestly I'm just winging it. Hoping to find joy in the journey, I guess. But, this idea of telling the truth has stuck with me. You can ask anyone that knows me personally and they will be the first to tell you that I'm not the type to totally open up and share. I'll tell you what is going on but sometimes I won't let you all the way in. Is it because I have trust issues or am afraid of what someone might say about me? Probably a little bit of both. I feel like all of you wonderful readers only get partial bits of the truth here on the blog. I'll share with you the stories about the girls but I won't share how deeply I am struggling with Adeline's clinginess. Or, I'll show you a lovely picture of a cupcake but won't tell you about the ugly breakdown I had before I made them. Back when the twins were in the NICU, I shared the truth so openly it hurt to write it. It was a beautiful time of sorrow and joy and you all came here and gathered around us in such a gentle manner. This community is so special to me and I love being a source of encouragement but lately I feel like I might have discouraged some of you unintentionally. Far too many times I have been asked:
"How do you have the time to do all that you do?"
I give a ho-hum answer that I hope satisfies the question like "I enjoy being busy" but I feel like I have missed an opportunity to truly share my heart with that other mother/friend/family member and tell them the truth that each day I have my own struggles.
So, for the next 31 days I'm going to share those struggles with you. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I hope they make you feel a little bit better about your own day. I'm scared to death that some of you might talk ugly about me or think I'm weird. Please be kind to me as I take the time over the next 744 hours to tread a little deeper.
Till next time (tomorrow!), let your light shine!