She grips this life harder than ever before.

Wrapping her hand tighter around her ability to control, she agrees to the labor.  To take on more.  With each answer to the many who ask; she grips tighter to this hold that she has on her life.  The many yeses leave a scar on her soul as daylight fades to dusk.  She knows - but won't admit - that anxiety will soon settle in for the night.  As her eyes flutter shut, her brain is still working, moving, calculating; how she will accomplish her task of many yeses.

Her morning begins calmly, but soon chaos arises.  She manages one task after the next; never slowing or faltering.  She knows her own strength and she knows that she can not be shaken this early in her day.  Soon, she is out the door, running - always running - to the next yes.  Her day continues in this rhythm until after the bread has been swept off the table from noon's meal.  Sitting quietly, she checks off her yes list and feels satisfied with her own accomplishments.

But this feeling is only momentary.  The phone rings or the baby cries or the screen shows words of disappointment. 

She tries to grip harder to control but suddenly she can't reach it.

Her mind is spinning and she can't keep track of all of her yeses.  She can't remember why she agreed to them all in the first place.  Why she allowed the busyness of this life to fill her instead of the stillness.  In this moment, she realizes the grip that she thought she had on her life.  She thought she could handle it all.  Yet, once again, she was proved wrong.

Dropping onto life's bench, she begins to realize the severity of her situation.  Her own need for control has left her feeling out of control.  She has agreed to filling her plate with more food than she can stomach. It has left her with regret.  In her haste of pleasing the many faces of her yeses; she has been running with only one shoe.  Her inner manager has rushed her into playing the game with only half of the equipment.

Sighing, she understands that her yeses have caused her not to value her no's. 

She can never run fully with only one shoe.  If she always says yes and never says no, she is going to trip and fall - again and again.  It is going to take her longer to reach her destination because she keeps agreeing to carry more weight than even her inner manager can manage.

She has to find a way to balance the weight.

To say yes only half the time and no the rest.  The balance will only come when she lets go of her fear for displeasure and need for more.  When she is aware that she already leads a full life and she gives herself permission to have limitations.  To get to this place of equality; she must admit that she is not the One that can restore.  That she can only receive the gift of living life freely and running fully by releasing her own grip and grabbing a Hand that can guide her in the labor.

She slips on her missing shoe; leaving the bench ready to give the world a little less yes and a little more no.

Till next time, let your light shine!

Blessings, christen

p.s. - I was inspired by this post from Emily Freeman this past October.  Only now have I been ready to write my own version.  I hope you enjoyed it.

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