OK...OK...maybe my confessions aren't as serious as this picture implies, but I still feel the need to "unload" my junk today - maybe some of you can relate and hopefully the rest of you can offer grace to this very overwhelmed, under prepared woman!
I have had this post swirling around in my head for days and days now, and I'm not even sure if I know exactly what the final outcome is going to look like, so please be patient with me! Some of my confessions will be sarcastic, some serious, and some just plain silly - so here goes nothing:
*I don't read my Bible everyday (or any day...lately)
*I have recently lost 16lbs and I don't even have an exercise routine
*If you came to my house unannounced, you may find a dirty diaper/pull-up on the floor somewhere in my house!
*I want to hire someone to clean my house, even if it will eat up half my paycheck
*My dogs are overdue by a year for their annual exam
*I'm jealous that my husband has like 1000 hobbies!
*I am writing this blog from a computer that is sitting on my sewing desk (that means I don't get around to sewing very often!)
*I am horrible at showing compassion
*My husband spoils me rotten, and I'm pretty sure I don't return the gesture
*I'm embarrassed by the messy condition of my van
*I hate to sweep
*I had a hard time coming to terms with giving my son formula on a regular basis
*I am thrilled I decided to supplement with formula on a regular basis
*I love being pregnant
*I personally have driven 6 different cars in our 7 years of marriage!
*I could kick myself for not paying just one of those cars off and still be the owner
*I think my children are the smartest most adorable children in the world
*I have recently and am still going through a selfish phase in my life (not proud of this, just stating a fact)
*I have dyed my hair almost every color in the book in my lifetime, except purple...and that may come soon enough
*I have 2 tattoos, and may get more one day if I so desire
*I like my husband thin
*My husband is the only man I've ever kissed
*I'm not the most sociable person in the world
*I never was or have been "popular"
*I hate being in a room full of people I do not know
*My Mom is my best friend
*I work at a church, and sometimes I don't go on Sunday for that very reason
*Sometimes I wish we didn't have 2 dogs since we now have 2 children
*I dream of a day I can travel kid free with my husband to somewhere exciting
*I payed off a credit card in January, and already have debt on it again in May
*I wanted to save $10,000 this year, and I don't think I'll make my goal
*I look at FaceBook way to much and have worked really hard at not doing so recently
*I don't always know what to say or what the right thing is to say
*I'm never mean or hurtful on purpose, but always have a good comeback line AFTER the fact when it's too late!
*I wish I was closer to my brother
*I dream of having at least one more baby
*I wish I was better at expressing my true feelings
*I used to be extremely emotional, and then one day I realized the whole world wasn't out to get me
*I hate to be alone, which is ironic for a girl who doesn't like crowds
*I am very cheap
*My home is full of IKEA, Wal-Mart, an discounted furniture
*I don't know how to properly install AK's car-seat without Matt's help
*Sometimes I zone out and miss everything you just said to me
*I am good at my job and I love it...most days
*I find it very hard to keep all parts of my house clean on a daily basis
*I think I can count my true friends on one hand
*I desire to make new friends, but am scared of the process
*I wish my Mom lived closer
*I am not the Christian I have once been or that I should be
Ok, I'll stop there - I'm not trying to beat up on myself - just being honest and getting some things off my chest. Letting you know more about me and where I am coming from. I am definitely not a perfect person. What I do know is being 30, married with 2 children, 2 dogs, and working part-time has overwhelmed my life in more ways that I ever expected. I have found myself torn between focusing on my children or my relationships outside the home. I have pulled back from many activities to just to be able to breathe! I often break down in tears when I come home to my messy house, wondering how I would have the time or energy to put it all back together before the day was over. When I am exhausted and don't feel good, I snap at my children just a little too much and then feel guilty. But then when my baby girl unexpectedly walks up to me, wrapping her arms around my neck and says "I love you much Mommy" then I know I've done something right! I feel God's grace wrap around me, reminding me that I don't have to be perfect. When my precious son smiles at me, I'm reminded why I do it all, and I realize its ok if my house isn't always "clean", because that means I've spent quality time with my family that day. When I feel lonely because I didn't or couldn't join in on girls night out, I remember that means it's because I had more important people to spend my time with - my husband, and babies! When I look at my bank account and compare my "lifestyle" to others I can become overwhelmed with inadequacy, but then I look at what I do have and realize just how blessed I am! When I cry to quit my job because I don't think I can handle it "all" another day, the Lord gives me the strength to push through and next thing I know I've survived another month!
I guess what I'm trying to say is - its ok to have faults, its ok to disappoint people, IT HAPPENS! God still loves us even when we mess up, even when our life is messy, even when we just aren't on top of it all. My prayer in this season of my life is that the Lord give me the wisdom to make it all work, that he teach me to balance it all, how to love those he has placed in my life. I want to learn to not expect "perfect" out of others, when I so clearly am not!
What about you?
Until Next Time, Be Blessed and Be a Blessing!