[dropcap]A[/dropcap]n early riser she was that day. Eyes scanned digital pages, bringing wisdom about love into her heart. Filled with renewed optimism, the usual frazzles of the morning - changing diapers, getting the family dressed and out the door - weren't going to get the best of her. Stepping into morning's light, the gentle rays from the sun and the glorious cool breeze given from the north greeted her in the way that old friends do.
Even though the munchkins in the back couldn't repeat the words quite yet, she sang it anyway. In her creaky, no sort of pitch way, she declared, "This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it." She felt strong, full, and ready.
Then her world came crashing down.
She closed her eyes, praying that when she opened things would be as they were before. Finally, willing herself to open her lids, she saw that it wasn't. Everything that could go wrong did and throughout the day it escalated into one. big. mess. Numb with pain she sat in silence, not knowing what to do now.
At her side, was a book that held many words. A book whose pages are full with her scribbles of ideas and hope. That book has been her guide, the truth that she seeks, and the promise of a greater day. But, today, on the worst day ever, the words written on those pages gave no comfort.
She sat with the book for a very long time wrestling with its words; so tired of dealing with the dirtiness of life. So many choices, so many sacrifices had already been made and she couldn't help but wonder for what? What were the purposes of these things? Were her choices not in line with His will? Did she go off the path and lose her grip on the hand that holds? Why do setbacks keep occurring and why can't she see Him through it all? Where did Hope and Joy go? When did they leave her side? Was this the beginning of unbelief?
No, no, that can't be happening. It. just. can't. It couldn't be true that the world is a horrible, twisted place and life is just filled with hard. She sees people living in hard times. The girl who lost her mother, the couple that barely pays the bills, the child rocking itself to sleep in a room with no mothers....dirt and grime and heartache and pain are everywhere. Where is He? Why has it become so hard to see His goodness?
She doesn't want to be labeled as a doubter but she can't stop questioning His plans, His purpose, His will. Was life just one big test and she was failing horribly? Or, could all of this be the beginning of something more?
She had only felt this broken once before. Reflecting upon past's pains, uncertainties, and heartache, she was reminded of her broken state and how He put her back together. When He did, He didn't put her exactly the way she was before the fall. He gave her more strength, durability, and power to be something greater.
He had molded her into His image after she first fell, but she didn't understand His plans for her. As doubt, anxiety, and frustration began to crack her porcelain veneer, she finally broke into a million pieces once again on this terrible, horrible day.
Shattered, she knew she had a choice: to stay broken or to be put back together again. The option to stay broken didn't seem that bad yet she knew in her heart that things would only get worse. Picking up her pieces, she tried gluing herself back together. But, she couldn't get it right. She needed Someone to put her back together again. Someone who had created her in the very beginning and knew exactly where all of the pieces should go.
Only in her moment of brokenness, could she clearly see. She saw herself in need of a Savior. She was a mess, shattered and jagged and He was the only one that could fix her. Even though she questioned, cried, and doubted, He was not going to fail her. He would tenderly take each piece and glue it back together, once again giving her new life.
She realized that life is so hard because that is how we find Him. It is in these moments of despair that we have to make a choice to seek Him or stay broken on the floor. Maybe we doubt so we learn how to trust. Maybe life spirals down only so we can face our next mountain with more courage and endurance.
Life is a constant filling and dumping. It never stays smooth, it is filled with ups and downs, twists and turns. Pain and Despair are just as much part of living as Hope and Joy. There is darkness, but there is Light that always, always, always, shines. In our quest to seek, we run into things that are unpleasant to find. [pullquote_right]In our quest to seek, we run into things that are unpleasant to find.[/pullquote_right] But, finding these things reveals all parts of the heart and when the heart recognizes that the only way to beat is to seek then the body is filled with rich, new blood that rejuvenates and heals.
She doesn't fill completely new again but she knows that He is working on her. Fashioning her into a new form, glorious to her Beholder. Yes, this is the day that He has made....and through her shattered pieces she chooses to rejoice and be glad in it.
Till next time, let your light shine!
[box_dark]Want to see how God has made our broken family new again? Watch our NICU Video Testimony here. May your day shine just a little bit brighter![/box_dark]