These words from Jeremiah 29:11 are what I read as I waited for the test results at the doctor's office. I could recite the words by memory but the truth in these words was too tender for my heart to absorb at the moment. I felt awful, physically and mentally, and couldn't understand before the doctor came in the room what that meant for my life right now.
My mind was jumbled with my own plans. Plans for my job, the week ahead of me, plans for our home, our family. Life, of course, wasn't going at all according to my plans. Instead of working, I was sick at the doctor's office. Instead of selling our home the week before, it was still on the market.
But, God was listening.
I hadn't felt his presence recently but that didn't mean he wasn't listening. God was waiting; waiting for the right time to unveil his plans.
I waited for the doctor and watched the minutes tick on the clock. Finally, I saw the handle turn on the door. He walked in with a smile and said,
I didn't respond right away. I let the words sink in before a smile crept on my face. I was pregnant. The doctor asked if this was good news and I told him it was really good news.
It was the first time, in a long time, that I knew God was listening to me. It had been a silent prayer since January, one that was almost put at the bottom of the extremely long list of "What Christen wants God to give her." Selfish, I know.
But, God wasn't being selfish. He was lavishly showing me and my family his love. Again. How blessed we are to be growing our family, to receive another gift that we most certainly don't deserve.
Yet, God thinks we deserve to hear those words. He knew that those two words would remind us that he does have plans for us and wants us to have hope for the future.
I'm learning that hope comes last and God decides which prayers need to be answered first.
I'm also learning that the only way to truly live is to embrace his plans and trust that they really are good and not meant to harm us.
Today, I'm eleven weeks pregnant. God is continuing to move and I see him every time I look at the picture of the tiny baby that is growing inside of me (yes, it is just one!). Our due date is March 17th - a St. Patrick's baby. I'm scared for the pregnancy since I'm high risk but I'm choosing to trust in when he wants to deliver this child. I'm tired and occasionally sick, but these are reminders for me to listen to my body and what it needs right now. I get a little overwhelmed thinking about having three kids but can't wait for the girls to be big sisters and to have a baby in the house again.
Friends, God doesn't always move in the exact way we ask him to but I do believe that he listens to the desires of our hearts. If you feel like he's been silent and hasn't answered one of your big prayers, take a moment and ask yourself if he's answered one that you might not expect.
"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11
Till next time, let your light shine!