I know what it feels like to hurt so badly for that dream that seems unobtainable. To question if you're strong enough to face yet another round of poking and prodding and potentially frightening test results. To have sleepless nights because you just can't shut off your mind no matter how hard you try to quiet the endless string of "what ifs" that have taken up residence there. To wonder if you're brave enough to make it through another shattering of an already broken heart. I know what it feels like to be blindsided with a diagnosis of infertility and subsequently doubt yourself and your worth as a wife and woman because you can't have a baby the way you planned. To feel embarrassed and ashamed through all of the medical procedures and monitoring. To struggle with feelings of hopelessness and uncertainty as you look towards the future. I know what it's like to feel lonely and isolated as you are forced to grieve a loss every time you try to celebrate the good news of a friend or family member. To feel angry that your life is suddenly on hold, but to simultaneously struggle to not be completely overtaken by this dream that can feel so overwhelming. I know what it's like to fight to not lose your identity, your marriage and your friendships while you pour all of yourself into trying to be a mom. I know what it's like. To read more about Courtney's struggle with infertility, follow this link to her blog, Our Not So Engineered Lives.

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